Pat Green Concert
I was getting ready to head off to see Pat Green in Wichita on a Friday night, but I needed to call Van to get directions to his new place first. We had a big “WOF” (Weekend O’ Fun) planned and I hadn’t been to his new place yet, so I didn’t know where I was going. (I have that feeling a lot, usually when I’m not wearing my glasses) Apparently, Van doesn’t know where he lives either because Kelle had to give me directions to the new place. She was giving me a hard time about not coming down on Friday just to see Mr. Green, and I heard Van mumble in the background, “If you love Pat Green so much, why don’t ya marry him.” You’d be surprised how hard it is to find a justice of the peace in Sedgwick county on a Friday night to marry two otherwise straight males, especially when ones already married and the other ain’t quite right in the head. (Pat’s the one that’s married, in case you’re wondering)
So directions set and marriage license pending, I took off to see Pat at The Cotillion on west Kellogg. I plugged in a Robbie Fulks CD into my high-tech CD player and headed down to the big town. Now you may ask you self, “self, what kind of CD player does Heath have in his Blazer?” Well, I’ll tell ya, I have a CD walkman that plugs into the cassette player. How’s that for high-tech? When I was shopping for new pickups I looked at a pickup that had a 5-CD changer in it. A 5-CD changer in a pickup, a very good reason why we’re better than the French. I got there just in time to grab a cool Coors Light before he took the stage.
Note to Cotillion: the line is “ICE COLD BEER,” not “SOMEWHAT COOLISH BEER,”
Since I was running late, I had to stand towards the back, so my review will be a back of the joint review.
First off, what the heck got into Pat Green before the concert? He tried to talk in an accent that sounded like the Cuban guy from I Love Lucy. It didn’t really work for Pat. He also played several bars with a beer can on his head. Yeah, a beer can on his head, like he was at finishing school or something. Later someone threw an empty beer can on stage. Pat was obviously upset by this, and who can blame him, he came to play music, not to be some drunken guys garbage man. I was thinking during the concert, Pat’s the kind of guy who would be a hoot at a college keg party. I always picture him as the one wearing the lampshade at the end of the night. His concerts are in much the same vein. I’m sure if there were a lamp stand at the Cotillion, we would be wearing the shade. They also pulled the old “insert the name of the town you’re playing into every song you play” thing. Although this can become tiresome after 8,763 times, they did shine the lights on the crowd every time he did this. Why is this a good thing you may ask, well it gives you a good look at the girls in the crowd with the lights on. And just let me say, the girl in the sundress was extremely cute. But as I was checking her out, her friend stepped on my foot in her high heel shoes. I later found out from another girl that the chances are good that the “foot stomper” was into me. I guess this is revenge for me shooting pencil erasers into that cute girl’s hair in the 2nd grade. But I was to busy trying to find the girl in the sundress to notice the “stopmper,” ain’t that the way the world goes. Kinda sounds like a song, don’t it. Worst part of the night was when some random guy near the front yelled out that he loved Pat Green. Hello, does the vows we exchanged mean anything to you. I guess I shouldn’t be to mad, after all, I was checking out the girl in the sundress and he’s already married. The concert seemed to end early, but overall, it was a good time. I finished the night off with some good eats from Taco Bell. Double-decker tacos, yet another reason we’re better than the French.
So what have we learned today, the girl in the sundress is cute and should call me, the Cotillion needs to work on it’s beer refrigeration, Van doesn’t know where he lives, Americans are better than the French, Pat Green puts on a good concert and he also has good posture. You can catch Pat at a show near you in the very short future, especially if you live in TX.